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February, 2009 In The Army Of The Lord....Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always does to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" The Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" Jack whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service Department." Contributed By Lilian Wambui,KRA, Nairobi KENYA
December, 2007 Jimmy Wayuni's Hot Jokes..!!! What is a KISS?
It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build next GENERATION. ================================== What do most men do after sex? 2% eat; 3% smoke cigarettes; 4% take a shower; 5% go to sleep and 86% get up and go back home to their wives. ================================== Why is your cock better than your credit card? Reasons:
(a) Once spent, it recharges itself. (b) It is accepted worldwide. (c) You can let your wife use it as much as she wants. =================================== LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just found out that our neighbour's son has a penis like a peanut!!
MUM: You mean it's small? LITTLE GIRL: No it's salty!!! ================================== A recently married couple was happy with the whole thing. Meaning: He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.
================================== A man was carrying 3 babies in a train. A lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies? Man replied: No, I work in a condom factory and these are customers' COMPLAINTS. ================================== Women's top 5 lies: from the whitest, downward... 5. I am a virgin. 4. It is so big. 3. I can't do that to my best friend. 2. I won't gain weight after marriage 1. I am coming! I am coming!!! ================================== A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says: You want to play magic? She asks: What is that?
He replies: We go Home, screw, and then you disappear !!
================================== What is the closest thing to a woman's periods? ANSWER: Your Salary ! ... -It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!! ================================== Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first? A Kid replied : The legs sir ...,because everynight I see my mum's legs up high while screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING !! I'M COMING...!!".
================================== Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school? Pupil : Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say, "TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY". ================================== What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain? Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, the Show
is over, but when you pull down the pantie... the Show begins...! =================================== MUM: Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breasts say "DON'T". And if he touches your pussy say "STOP ??" GIRL : Yes mum, but he touched both, so I told him DON'T STOP!!!!" ================================== GIRLS' REACTION TO COCK SIZES: 8 Inches - Oh Shit,it pains!! 7 Inches - Oh, I'm in heaven 6 Inches - Oh, Perfect... 5 Inches - Ummmmm! Ok! 4 Inches - Push more...!! 3 Inches - Are you there??? 2 Inches - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!! ===================================
April, 2007 Corrupted Sayings of The Wise... (i) Mtegemea cha nduguye, labda hana dada (Kiswahili)
(ii) Haba na haba, ni haba mbili (Kiswahili)
(iii) Kikulacho, kina meno (Kiswahili)
(iv) Mpanda ngazi, anaenda juu (Kiswahili)
(v) Mpiga ngumi ukuta, ako na "gloves" za chuma (Kiswahili)
(vi) A Friend in need, is a parasite
(vii) A business without a sign, is a sign of no business January, 2007 The Boxer's Umbrella... One day, a boxer left his valuable umbrella outside a stadium toilet with a warning note which read, "Warning: Don't touch it !! It belongs to a World Heavyweight Boxer !!"
On return, he found the umbrella missing and a note that read, " Sorry, your umbrella has been stolen by a World Marathon Champion. You'll never catch me.... !!"
By: Jimmy Wayuni,
Nairobi.
KENYA.
October, 2006 Crazy !! Crazy !! Crazy Jokes !!September, 2006 My Primary School Days...(Jokes)Composition on "Our Dog..."
I recall one time during my Primary School days in 1970's, our English teacher came, gave us some writing pads and told us to write a composition on "Our Dog..."
After twenty minutes he went round collecting the writing pads and on realising that Peter Gichuho had not written anything, he asked him, "Why have'nt you done the assignment ?"
Gichuho replied hurriedly, "Sorry Sir, we don't have any dog at our home!"
Two weeks later, the teacher gave the same assignment to Class B where Judy, a sister to one of my classmates was in. After marking the papers, he called on Judy and remarked, "Judy, your composition is just like the one your brother in Class A wrote two weeks ago!"
Judy looked at the teacher with raised eyebrows and replied, "But Sir, we were writing about the same dog!"
Jimmy Wayuni
Nairobi, KENYA. The True Friend...(Joke) One time, two friendly young boys, Jimmy and John were playing in a vast field when suddenly, a lion appeared. They both rushed to the only tree in the vicinity. They both knew that lions do not climb trees.
John, being stronger than Jimmy quickly climbed up to the top of the tree. Jimmy desperately called on his friend to help him too, climb the tree. John however, refused and told him that the tree might not accomodate both of them.
Jimmy thought very fast and lay still on the ground pretending to be DEAD. He knew that lions do not attack or eat dead animals. The lion came and looked up at John, then went to where Jimmy lay. It smelt his whole face, the ears, and then left without harming him.
John, who was watching all this from top of the tree climbed down and asked Jimmy, "What did the lion tell you?? I saw her kissing you and then whispering something to your ears ??"
Jimmy replied casually, "She actually told me to be very very careful with friends like YOU and advised me to look for a TRUE FRIEND..."
By: Jimmy Wayuni,
Nairobi,
KENYA.
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